Task 2b - Journal Writing experience

This week I have tried out different ways to write my journal, some have been really challenging and some I have felt at ease with.

Using description and initial reflection has came naturally for me and personally I feel this is the easiest and simplest form of reflection. Recalling my events at the end of the day and describing what has happened, how I felt about it and my mood throughout the events was easy for me but I also didn't find much value in a simple description of my day. Here is a section from my journal where I used description and initial reflection;

Monday22ndOctober

I made it to the 7am Bikram yoga class this morning! On my way I was thinking why the hell am I doing this? It's so early and so dark but I knew I would feel great afterwards and it would set me up for the day as I had lots to do throughout the day. I felt really tired and lethargic but I was hoping it would wake me up. When I arrived at the class my mood was instantly uplifted as I started chatting to the other girls. I realised I really do enjoy being around people as much as I love 'me time'

At the start of the class I was determined to push myself and work as hard as I could because after all I had made the decision to wake up at 5.30am to make the class. I had made the choice and didn't want to waste any time. Throughout the class my thoughts changed especially on certain postures I struggled with, I was not pushing myself as much as I could on the difficult postures and my initial thought was I should be pushing myself on the things I find hard in life and not trying to avoid them or find an easy escape out (which is what I have realised I tend to do). I should be challenging myself more? I was then reflecting in the moment without realising it (reflection in action) which distracted me and then my mind was wondering! One thought made me start to think about life in general and why do most people focus on what they are good at and blank out their weaknesses? I quickly switched out of thinking mode and turned my focus back onto the class.

My thoughts and emotions throughout the class changed from :

-Focused

-frustrated

-Tired

-Determined

-Switched off

-Happy

The class was for 1 hour 30 minutes and my emotions changed throughtout. After writing down my emotions on the opposite page it made me ask myself why I was experiencing different emotions and feeling? What made them change within 1 hour and 30 minutes? How did I deal with these emotions?

                    Why I experienced different emotions throughout the class

Sometimes I just don't know why I am experiencing different emotions because I let them be and don't question how I feel much.

On the postures I found easy I felt alive and awake, it wasn't a challenge and I comfortably got through them feeling focused and determined, the main reason being I could do it! As I said above I enjoy what I am good at doing. My mood started to change when my body started to struggle with certain postures, I wasn't pushing myself, I got frustrated at myself and thought  'I am never going to improve if I dont push myself on the challenging postures' From reflecting back on this I learnt when I am struggling with something, be patient and keep working on it, whatever it may be as that will be the only way I will improve,grow and develop my practise. As humans we become so immune to certain habits without even realising they are habits. I have learnt I am not very patient with things, I always want it to happen straight away instead of enjoying the journey and the developments.

At the end of the class I fell asleep for 1 hour on the mat! This is the first time I have ever done this. I felt really tired and exhausted and there's me thinking it was going to wake me up. This made me think maybe I need a rest as I try and make the class most days as well as fitting everything else in! But I really enjoy going so why should I miss class? Maybe it is my body's way of telling me to slow down.

However I got showered and changed and walked home to tackle through the rest of my day. I had to be home quick in time for my driving lesson! wishing I hadn't fell asleep for that hour after class.

Evaluation

I really enjoyed using 'evaluation' as a way to write. This was when I felt most the benefits of reflection and felt a real meaning as to why I was reflecting and evaluating, learning things about myself and my practises. I questioned myself a lot as I evaluated, which I didn't really do when I used 'description and initial reflection' Description and initial reflection as I said was easy, it was just like keeping a diary whereas I feel I will gain a lot more from using evaluation as I learnt what went well for me, what worked, I discovered things about my practise and thought about the things I could avoid.

I felt like there was a true meaning behind why I was evaluating, I didn't just go through the emotions of my day listing; -What happened - Where it happened - Why it happened. To me it seemed like a more deep,thorough way of reflecting.

Evaluation of teaching - Tuesday 23rd October

Todays lesson went well in many ways. I spent the lesson cleaning a choreography GCSE peice with 20 students. I hadn't worked with all of these students before so it was a lesson for me to get to know these students and what level they were up to.

What went well?

- Although the students seemed very shy they were focused and enthusiastic about the class which made it more exciting for me to get stuck in. They listened carefully to my instructions and took on board my feedback.

( I learnt in this lesson to give more positive feedback as much as constructive critism as I came to the conclusion that the students gave me a lot more energy,effort and determinination when I talked to them about what they were doing well and what looked good on them.)

- The feedback I gave the students sunk in, by the end of the class when they performed the piece in front of myself and another teacher, they had took on board everything I had said throughout the class and it looked like a different group of dancers performing the piece. I felt lifted by this as it made the whole two hours worthwhile by seeing the huge improvement in the dancers.

( I as the teacher has to give as much energy and commitment as the students, even more if I want to see good results. I learnt that dancing the piece full out with the students when practising helps a lot as they have a real insight of what it should look like picking up on the energy and dynamics of the piece. I have had teachers in the past who will just mark through the material but I feel commiting 100% with the students helps the final result.)

- The students opened up and became less tense and more confident to speak up and ask questions. They were quite a shy, timid group to start with and I worried it would be hard to get anything out of them. By the end of the first hour I was starting to see individual personalities and this made me want to keep going to learn more about who they are.

(I learnt that although being strict and wanting the class to move rapidly, sometimes I need to stop for a moment and laugh with the students to take the tension of the class away. I noticed if something didn't quite work and I could sense the students feeling silly, it's not the end of the world to have a little laugh and joke with them instead of being so serious and uptight - I really relaxed these students in particular and I felt they were getting to know me more as much as I was learning about each and every one of them and I believe that is why they had opened up by the end because I showed them my personality as well as finding out who they were.)

After the class the word BALANCE came to my mind. For me my next challenge was to find a healthy balance in the teaching enviroment. I felt that in this class I'd found a really nice balance but I know I am not always consistent in finding the balance in every class and that is what I want to achieve in the next few weeks.

Noticing and discovering

There was one student who didn't have a clue what she was doing. She stood right at the back of the class hiding behind another student. The only way she was going to learn was if she came to the front to see what was going on, that was my thought at the time. I asked the student her name and she muttered it and I instantly got the impression that she was very shy and underconfident. I told her to stop hiding and to come to the front row so she could learn and pick up on what she was missing. She put her head down and looked as though she was about to cry. I didnt know whether I had done the right thing or not? I let her stay at the back but told her to stop hiding. Had I done the right thing to leave her to her own device and not push her?

This was honestly something I could not answer, time would only tell. I watched her throughout the lesson and half way through I noticed she was still struggling, I couldn't leave her to just struggle at the back. I told the class to mark and go through the counts together so I could go to the back and help. When it was just me and her she instantly opened up and seemed like a different girl asking me questions and was really willing for me to help. I noticed I had done the right thing by leaving her at the back and not embarrassing her in front of her class mates but then I questioned will she ever develop and grow confidence?

With that situation I felt it was a challenge for me to know what would work best. The more I teach and the more I learn I feel it will become easier  and I will gain and accquire knowledge of how to deal with different sitautions, mastering my own methods and techniques of teaching. My instinct told me I had done the right thing to not push the student. It was the first time I had taught her and I would rather ease her into it slowly and let her open up in her own time.

To me there is no right or wrong way, it is just finding my own personal, most appropraite way which I hope to do so in the future.

Graphs and diagrams

It took me a little while to get into this way of writing. I played around with this one the most thinking how am I going to gain everything I can from this style? I took a look at other peoples blogs to see how they had approached it and then I became aware of how I was going to embark on it. Personally this was my hardest way of writing to get started with but I feel it worked really well and overall it was probably my 2nd best way of writing. When it was complete it was the easiest, simplest form of writing to look back on and reflect quickly and efficiently. This is what I came up with:

Driving Lesson - Wednesday 24th October

This photograph is not very clear but this is how I reflected on my driving lesson:

Positives -  What did I achieve and why? - How did I feel about the achievement? - How can I maintain this?

Negatives - Why did the negatives happen? - What can I do to prevent the negatives? - What did I learn from the negatives?

Using this form of writing for my driving lesson in particular was a success and I am going to now continue doing this after each lesson so I can reflect before my next lesson. It really helped me on this week's lesson as I looked over this piece of writing before I had the lesson and my mind was fresh with what I wanted to focus on and achieve this time round.

Lists

-I work well with others around me, I should start to try and learn more when being alone.

-Patience - Have more patience when completing a task or waiting for something. Take time if it doesn't work then go back and work out why it isn't working.

-Don't get frustrated at myself if my day doesn't go exactly how I intended it to.

- I want to watch more programmes/films/documentaries and read more to be inspired and grow my knowledge in different areas.

-Finish things before I start something else.

-Glad I met up with a friend I haven't seen in a year. It lifted my mood and made me realise I need to find time to do this more often.

- 'Mellow' I got called this today. I didn't consider myself a mellow person but I was obviously giving this vibe off in that moment in time.

- Others sometimes get a different vibe than how I actually feel.

Using list's as a way of writing did not benefit me as much as other ways. It was quick,simple and efficient but very vague. I used this form of writing on a general day off, being out and about, getting jobs done, making phone calls, sending emails, doing bits of teaching planning and meeting up with a friend.

At the end of my day I wrote down things that came to my head throughout the day. It was very random as my day changed so much. I feel a list will be good to look back on to quickly remind myself of my feeling and emotions throughout that day and the stuff I want to continue doing and what I would like to change.

It was a very different way of writing for me and although I felt it was really bland, I would like to look into list writing in more detail so I can experiment with it and find out unique ways of reflecting and learning from lists as I have a feeling there is a lot more to this form of writing and I haven't quite grasped it yet.

I make lists daily, weekly and monthly for my own sake to help me remember what I need to do, what I need to buy and to generally keep organised but I hadn't ever thought of writing lists as a way of reflection at the end of the day and I generally think the majority of people think of 'lists' as organisation and a way to remind yourself of things you need to complete.

I will definitely not rule this way of writing out as I am intrigued to see what more I can do with reflection lists and how they could help me to expand and enlarge my knowledge.

I attended an audition recently and used the writing style 'evaluation' to reflect back on every aspect of the audition. This was really beneficial for me as it made me question a lot about how I feel I am doing but what others see can be totally different. I also chose to use the 'what if' technique as well as evaluating my performance.

What if?

What would have happened if I would have got the job? How would if affect or change what I am doing now?

I would have loved to have got it!

I am really missing performing and went to the audition thinking it would have been a great opportunity for me, the show toured in a few places in the UK and even came to Liverpool. I would have been so grateful to have the opportunity to perform in my city as I haven't performed at home since before I moved to London.

If I would have got the job:

- Would I have to stop teaching on the two days I teach?

- Where would I have stayed when rehearsals start in a different city?

- Where would I stay when the contract toured?

- How would I get time off from my waitressing job when it is getting really busy coming up to christmas? Would I be able to keep the job for after christmas?

When I thought about all the "what if's?" All of these questions came into my head whereas I didn't ask myself these questions before attending the audition. It was interesting to use the 'what if' technique because it made me think about consequences which I don't often reflect on. I never in my life ponder about 'what if I do this differently?' 'How will it benefit me?'  'what are the negatives?' 'What are the positives'?

I think this way of reflecting could have an advantage in my life. If I thought more often about 'what if' I feel it could help me make right decisions for myself as I am quite an indecisive person.

I am going to use this style of writing in the next couple of weeks very briefly to help me identify if I do things the opposite way I am used to, how it will benefit me or have a positive impact on me. 

As I have thought about 'what if' in different situations I have faced within the last week I have learnt I can become very dreamy and really imaginative. I really enjoyed this way of reflection althought I felt it was more thought and less writing, I will need to get used to writing down all of my thoughts instead of collecting them in my head throughout the day.

Another view

This was my most difficult way of writing. I didn't know where to start with it or how to go about it. How can I be aware of someone's perspective of me throughout my day?

I went online and searched 'ways to reflect from another persons point of view' I found this article which I read through and had a good think about:

It is common, and commendable, to be curious about how others see you in general, or in specific situations. The more insight you have in this area, the less time you are apt to lie awake at night, wondering. And even when you may have acted differently in a specific situation, upon review, this insight generally provides the best answer for moving forward.

It is quite possible to see yourself exactly as other people see you; however, this takes courage, and the development of some insight. So, if you dare, have a peek in the mirror...

1)

Understand that other people are your mirror. A simple concept, yet one that many people are either unwilling, or unable, to grasp. Summed up, it is simply that other people reflect you. Your emotions, your traits, and your feelings are reflected back at you from other people either through in-kind responses or through predictable reactions to the emotions or feelings that you're issuing.

Perhaps even more surprising is the reality that the reflection is perfect, even if the "reflector" is almost invariably not. For example, you might feel condescension, irritability, or dismissiveness toward another person, which lowers your estimation of them and causes you to treat them less seriously; yet in doing so, you ignore the fact that they reflect your negative appraisal of them.

·         Intellectually challenged people can provide the highest quality reflections for others' behavior, while being personally oblivious that a "mirror" exists; this has to do with their lack of inhibition and their inability to dissemble. Such people more innately reflect the signals and body language you are sending them.

·         "Normal" people usually reflect, also, until they have learned to mask (these go on to wonder why they can't feel anything, have no passion); so you are looking for a more subtle signal. Usually (at least in the U.S.) they are clearly sending it, and you have just seen it for so long (every time a certain situation arises, and you respond that certain way), that you either are (unconsciously) ignoring the correct interpretation, and/or have most likely developed your own, not-wholly-correct one.

·         It is quite easy to go through your entire life, in many Western cultures at least, and never develop the innate skill of spotting yourself being reflected in other people; any development in this area will improve your self-insight and your relations with others.

·         This mirror-gazing skill is more developed of necessity in people of diminished means who need to learn quickly how to read people well in order to survive; however, just because you have never been hungry, left alone, or impoverished, does not mean you have to be clueless about yourself.

·         See that a big part of seeing yourself is recognizing that some little behavior of someone else, witnessed by you, is in fact exactly what you look like when exhibiting that same behavior, and that your rationalization of it as "different from yourself" is what is incorrect about your interpretation.

2)

Recognize that people say things to you, or about you, for a reason. While it can be easy (in fact it's human nature) to dismiss anything not felt to be relevant, or not seen to be complimentary, and to see it rather as a reflection of the person saying or commenting about things you're not comfortable with (to an extent it's about them but that's not the whole story), for the most part it probably has a grain of truth in it for you. Even if it is painful and your ego tempts you to reject it out of hand, be alert to this probability. It is less important that you identify with what may have been actually said here; rather, what matters is connecting it with the times that you say the same thing to another. It is perilously easy to con yourself into believing that "those times were different." They invariably aren't, or weren't.

·         Given enough development in identifying the source of comments about you, you will begin to see when someone is sniping at you simply because they are envious, or jealous and you can then react accordingly, instead of adopting the normal knee-jerk reaction you had most likely planned (and they, quite possibly, hoped to incite, to show you up).

3)

Recognize that this person-to-person mirror is a two-way mirror. Just as people say things to or about you for various, possibly obscure but knowable reasons, recognize when you do the same thing. Examine why you may have said a certain thing; usually, this self-examination will occur after the fact.

Don't be afraid to ask someone you trust to help you work through the reasoning; for example, if your best friend heard you, they almost surely already know why you said something and what personal motivations, quirks, and needs lie behind it. Asking your friend with open honesty and a willingness to reflect together can take a friendship to a whole new level. Asking another how our words and demeanor come across to another is not something we stop and do much, but it can get you started in more effective self examination.

·         People who are unwilling to reflect on how their words and actions appear to others can end up not caring about how they are viewed and in turn, this shows up as not caring about others either. This can make them seem selfish, aloof, and perhaps even vacant and after an initial enthusiastic encounter with such a character, you may have initially felt they were attractive, or interesting, only to quickly realize that they are blinded to their effect on others and have little to share because they hide within themselves.

·         Contrast this, narcissism, with a healthy respect and consideration of others and your place in things, how you fit, while still being willing to go your own way.

 4)

Consider that a person whom you detest is invariably your perfect mirror – they are just like you. While this may seem strange or even offensive to you, experience often bears it out. The reason is that we invariably overlook behaviors in ourselves that we can't tolerate in another. By allowing the other person to carry the burden of our own disliked inner quirks or weaknesses, we shield ourselves from having to meet our less likable aspects head on and choose instead to view the unlikable traits as the fault of the other person. Often we see this as insurmountable because we choose to believe that the other person is the one generating the unwanted behavior. However, this blinds us to realizing that we're just locking horns with traits we haven't yet learned to deal with well inside of ourselves.

·         It is generally not even necessary to get as far as the "observation of behaviors" stage; people who are very much alike often detest each other on sight, because behavior patterns are ingrained, and similar, if not universal - meaning that behavioral twins can sense each other in the merest gesture.

·         Most of us have experienced the trip home, with a friend or relative, from some gathering, with the friend or relative sniping about someone they just met who has essentially exhibited no untoward behaviors; when pressed, the friend or relative is hard-pressed to explain exactly what they mean; in this case, it's most probable that they have just encountered a perfect mirror.

·         As humans, even though we tend to assume that two of our very similar friends, unknown to each other, would really like each other, experience will show you that this is very often not the case.

5)

Recognize the opportunities in a relationship challenged by your intense dislike of one another. While you may never learn to like each other, opportunities exist here for personal behavioral modification. Indeed, often the most rewarding of outcomes can result when you push yourself to cope with people whom you find challenge you in this respect because you ultimately learn to manage, if not learn to tolerate, a part of yourself that you didn't even want to face before.

Experience dictates that even if you initially do not communicate any of your intentions to modify your own behavior to your mirror, being that they invariably feel the same about you as you do about them, they will eventually (usually, pretty quickly) notice that they aren't able to push your buttons.

If you are using this experience for self-improvement (instead of what you've been using it for?), it will be clear that you aren't taking advantage of opportunities to push theirs. This is going to be noticed (and not just by your mirror), and credited to you as maturity; bonus points for having the courage to come clean with your mirror, and tell them about your insight into this matter, leading to future mutual progression. And even more kudos to you if you do this personal development in the public sphere; as it's no easy task, it impresses people to see such maturity and rest assured that anyone within earshot will be enthralled.

6)

Continue seeing yourself as others see you throughout life. This isn't a one-off exercise. It's something that will benefit you and your relationships for all time, and as such, it's essential that you continue to remain alert and willing to see yourself reflected in others around you. Once you have refined seeing yourself, exactly as others see you, by witnessing the reflections in and from others, you will find yourself more forgiving of others, more willing to reach out and pull people through awkward moments and difficult times because you see not only your own struggles but theirs too, all intertwined as one. And all this takes is constant self-examination, self-honesty, and a willingness to step outside yourself regularly.

·         Seek balance rather than control. Controlling behavior is negative behavior and can lead to perfectionism, unreal expectations, and can easily transfer to wanting to control others to make them stop reflecting the part of ourselves we're not liking. Instead, try to balance your negative self with your strengths and positive self. We cannot be whole until we embrace the parts of ourselves we don't always like and we do best when we acknowledge our shortcomings and learn to treat them with humor and openness rather than attempting to stifle them or blame their existence on someone or something else.

·         This can be a powerful tool for expression; who among us hasn't expressed something expecting a certain response, and then got a somewhat different response, maybe only communicated by facial expression, that we tend to just kind of ignore, while plowing ahead--when the facial expression should be telling you that you haven't communicated your opening idea fully (for instance).



I found this quite intriguing to read. Although most of us know we give of impressions to people, sometimes we don't realise what impression we are giving off or how we are coming across to people. After reading this I thought about how often when in a conversation I think about the person and what vibes they are giving off to me. I reflect an awful lot on other people and I question why they are speaking in that tone? what is the purpose of what they are saying? what they are trying to get across to me? However I don't think much about what I am giving off to a person, people are constantly reflecting on me also. I believe using this technique of writing could have a powerful impact on my practise and to help me learn more about me and why I say and do certain things. I am yet to write in this style as I wanted to choose a day where I am working with someone closely or around someone for the majority of the day to really think about it and absorb the benefits of this type of reflection. I am most excited about this way of reflection although it will be the most challenging technique for me.

Overall this task has been 100% beneficial in general. I have learnt different ways to reflect on myself and my practices and also learnt about me, my feelings and my emotions. There has been a lot of purpose and meaning behind the reflection and although it has taken me a while, I didn't want to evaluate each day as it comes as I don't believe that would benefit me in the slightest. There have been positives and negatives in every style of writing. I have struggled with some more than others and enjoyed experimenting with the unfamiliar ways of reflection. I will continue to reflect and try different methods of reflection as I conclude that all 7 styles of reflection will continue to help me grow and develop my practices. Although I have not reflected on 'Another view' yet, I am waiting to learn and read more about this method of reflection. I will come back to this style when I have experimented more.